Serious things to be done (although not because nothing is serious)
Get this revision done for tomorrow’s exam and avoid all stress regarding it
Be more organised with the next exam revision
Celebrate finishing exams
Really really lower eating and lose weight finalllllllly
Go for a walk every morning or evening, unless biked
Continue convincing myself to get a 50mm 1.4 and reminding myself that there’s no point having money saved if you won’t use it (also money is stupid and should not be left to sit and receive worship)
Go to the doctors (after constantly telling myself over and over), (also build up bravery)
Have my camera round my neck as much as possible and start asking friends to let me photograph them
Get a beautiful journal and write in it instead of on here forever more! (hopefully)
Lower my anger all of the time. When angry, go biking
Resume painting
Read more non fiction
Be a super fabulous friend and super confident person, forever more (hopefully)
Cook and clean and compliment
Do the herb garden as soon as nice weather is out
Stop walking around with my head down
(i do not expect this to happen for a long time if ever) ask to photograph strangers and passerbys
I think that is all for now, now hopefully more lists will be written on paper and i’ll have my hair outdoors more often. I shall begin with revision on a wonderful story that I look forward to writing about
(I was in bed last night, waiting desperately to fall asleep, and I felt the grip of sadness taking hold of me again after over a year of me fighting it. I felt the oddness that Ive countlessly described, of feeling like my whole being was balanced on a blade of grass and every edge of me breaking or at least fading. And that is how I fell asleep, thinking I was oging to lose myself
Then I woke up this morning to wonderful sunshine and I realised that was nobody who was me last night, I think they just made an unpleasant return because I’ve been feeling a bit useless recently. And then I continue to remind myself that nothing has objective worth and I feel myself again, I feel great)
(I unfollowed all the blogs that I recently followed on here that reminded me over and over of sadness. I don’t want that to be a part of me)
(And then I spent more of this morning being re inspired by Nirrimi)
(Why does everything turn out longer than I expect, and why do I always go off track)
Let me say it openly: we are surrounded by an enterprise of degradation, cruelty, and killing which rivals anything the Third Reich was capable of, indeed dwarfs it, in that ours is an enterprise without end, self-regenerating, bringing rabbits, rats, poultry, livestock ceaselessly into the world for the purpose of killing them.
And to split hairs, to claim that there is no comparison, that Treblinka was so to speak a metaphysical enterprise dedicated to nothing but death and annihilation while the meat industry is ultimately devoted to life (once its victims are dead, after all it does not burn them to ash, or bury them, but on the contrary cuts them up and refrigerates and packs them so that they can be consumed in the comfort of our home) is as little consolation to those victims as it would have been — pardon the tastelessness of the following — to ask the dead of Treblinka to excuse their killers because their body fat was needed to make soap and their hair to stuff mattresses with.